


Need

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Cutting, Kink Meme, M/M, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-24
Updated: 2012-01-24
Packaged: 2017-10-30 01:59:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/326510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After The Storm, Rodney developed a need for cutting to cope with the trauma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Need

**Author's Note:**

> For SGA_Kinkmeme - PROMPT: Rodney/any, knifeplay  
> After The Storm, Rodney developed a phobia/fetish for knifeplay and cutting.

He dragged the blade slowly over his skin, gritting his teeth against the sharp pain and watching in fascination as the skin parted and the blood ran freely. Bright red blood. The color as sharp as the pain, sweeping away the dullness of his tired, frightened mind and giving him crystal-clear vision and a clarity of thought.

His brain seemed to unfreeze, endorphins and adrenalin pumping...and it felt so good. He needed this. Needed to see the light glinting off cold metal, needed the pain to dull the fear and loathing for one bright moment.

"Rodney?"

He gasped, pleasure and pain giving way to panic as the door slid open. He dropped the knife and grabbed up a cloth, pressing it against the wound before half-turning.

"Sheppard! Run out of grunts to beat up in the gym?" Rodney winced. It wasn't his best put down but hopefully Sheppard would get pissed at him and leave, but instead of receding footsteps, Sheppard spun Rodney's chair around.

"What's your problem, McKay?" His eyes dropped before Rodney could hide the self-inflicted wound. "What the hell?"

"It's not what it looks like. The knife slipped while I was cutting... wires."

Sheppard grabbed his arm and pulled it towards him, dislodging the cloth, but he wasn't just inspecting the fresh wound. Even with the Ancient healing device, there was still the faintest trace of a thin white scar if anyone looked closely enough, and Sheppard was looking that close. Rodney snatched back his arm and Sheppard let him, but he could see in Sheppard's eyes that this wasn't over by a long shot.

The anger faded and Sheppard crouched down in front of him, reaching out once more for Rodney's arm but this time taking it gently.

"I get it, Rodney. I understand." He shook his head. "But this isn't the way to deal with it."

"I don't know what you mean," Rodney stammered but Sheppard didn't call him on the lie.

Sheppard reached for the healing tool and passed it carefully along the length of the cut, watching the edges fuse back together. He picked up a wipe and cleaned away the blood before bringing the healing skin to his lips and kissing the thin red line.

"Next time you feel the need to do this, call me." The knuckles of his hand rubbed against Rodney's groin. "I'll show you a better way of proving you're still alive."

Sheppard was gone before Rodney could pull the words together.

Two weeks later, with Peter dead and the Wraith only hours away, Rodney watched the light glinting off the sharp blade. With nothing left to lose, he placed the knife on the desk and tapped his radio, opening a private channel.

"Sheppard? I... I need you."

END


End file.
